Let's call it a spade

Sometimes, I feel like he tries to find anything to get me to talk to him.

Him: There is mail here at the house for you, what do you want me to do with it?

Me: What the heck! I even checked to make sure the change of address went through. I'll go to the post office and see what's going on.

Him: Sounds good. Keep me posted. How are thing going with you?

I don't text back. Getting ready to have my ass handed to me at the gym.

Him: Well I guess you do not want to talk or you are busy or something. Take care.

Him: Are we not talking any more???

15 minutes later...

Him: Hello, would like to meet up for coffee?

At this point, my phone is locked in my locker and I'm on the gym floor sweating pounds away.

I'm driving home and the phone rings at 7:45. It's him, I answer it.

He apologizes for everything he feels he's done wrong... 

Then wants to talk about the mail. I keep it short. 

I come around to the truck and whether we should sell it private.

Pay the loan.

Then take half of what's left.

I was blatant that I was not going to fight with him over a stupid truck.

So, make a decision on selling it now.

He again, tries to get me out for coffee.

Sorry, I'm busy for the evening.

I just got home, so I gotta go.

Him: I have a question for you.

Him: Do you still love me?

Me: There will always be a piece of me that loves you.

Him: I guess that it is safe to say that you are no longer in love me then?

Me: After being hurt and taken for granted for so long, I stopped loving you with my entire heart.

Him: I am sorry to hear that.

Me: Just as I was sorry to feel that way.

Him: We can't go back in time but we has the future. Maybe.

Me: There is the future. But we have very different plans for our futures.

Him: What if we learn to head in the same direction ?

Me: I don't think that will happen.

Him: Why is that? We are to hard headed

Me: I'd be stupid to accept anything right now. I can't judge change after 3 months. People don't change in 3 months. Behaviors do not change in 3 months. I'm glad that you're feeling better about you and getting your life back to what you want it to be.

Him: Well that is not entirely true

Him: You deserve better, than I could ever give you. I am sorry for that.

At least he's thinking. Hopefully he'll be able to pull himself together and be the best for him. I know that there is no going back. I've been chastised by a couple of my friends for not wanting to work it out. He (my friend) says...I'm morally wrong...God hates divorce...and whatever else he decided to preach at me. 

Simply, nobody lived with the shit for six years. I was the one who saw him drunk every weekend and took the verbal abuse. I was the one that had to hide money so I would have gas for the following week. I was the one to pick up the pieces. When you've walked through that hell, then you have the right to tell me your opinion.

Please don't think I'm a victim. I'm not. I held onto it because I wanted to try and make it work. As we all know, there are many sides to people. I was trying to find the side that I fell in love with.



*I just need to note. I wrote exactly what came through with his texts. That's his spelling/grammar, not mine.